matarioshka

I wanted to talk about this important topic since a long time already.

Apparently people really enjoy creating new beautiful words to hide their true sh1tty identity.

There's a pretty-sounding concept called "sexual fetishism".. Before talking about such things I prefer to go and check different articles.. on different languages.

I love it how human beings on planet Earth label "anything that turns you on" as a "common stuff in life".. What you, c4nts are actually supposed to do is to label it "acceptable" and "sexual perversity".. And sexual perversity is a medical term, honey.

Some stuff is dangerous for your mental and physical health, however you're happily spreading massive propaganda about your idiotic way of living. Congrats.

How about your parents and grandparents?

Can you show them your manga-demon-chicks and express how much you're obsessed about them because being an evil sadist is a great thing to do?

How about your future children? What do you teach them? That it's great to be obese and to have tits lying on the floor? That this is how women are supposed to look in real life?

How about your neighbors and co-workers? Can you show them the tickle-tortures with furries that you draw?

Are you people out of your f4cking minds..?!

What's gonna be next on Deviant Art? Raping old people? Sex with cripples? Drugging children? Huh?!

We need some f4cking rules and management in this place, ffs. I feel like modern people don't have any limits at all! No brakes! They do random BS and hide their identity because they realize it's a wrong thing to do, but they still do it.. cowards.

Aren't we supposed to be an art community? What's art about, honey?

About aesthetics and sense, as for me. But many "artworks" don't make any sense at all.

Sick ideas being poorly represented with no decent description..

Yes, I started to draw things with erotic subtext. And I'm proud of my simple drawings. Because they are aesthetically pleasant to see.

I can explain every artwork I make. Because I know what I'm doing and why.

I'm tired of perverts. Some humans don't even like human beings anymore.. they're into some.. alien-looking dolls with big egg-shape heads and large unrealistic eyes.. and they're called "anime girls".. Then we have people obsessed with sadism, or beautifully wrapped as "BDSM".. You think it's only about intimate subject? Wait until you get to know them better. They enjoy being miserable and hanging around with miserable people. They enjoy to hurt the others emotionally. Because physically they're not allowed to do that by the law.

Then we have the anti-sanitary dumbasses.. puke, piss or shit - they enjoy it.

How about your famous "tickle torture fetish", huh? Does that sound healthy? Is it fun to be tied up and be forced to laugh until you start to choke and shit yourself? Where the heck are the admins of Deviant Art? Where are the limits for all of you guys?

I'd ban the heck outta this sh1t, guys. Wanna draw pornography or nudes - uhm, okay..

..but not life-threatening sexual activities. Go to rehab, pal. Someone traumatized you, and you're excitedly-obsessed about things you should never be obsessed about.

How the heck are we supposed to live in a better, healthier society if everything is messed up and admins don't do what they're supposed to?..

I have no problem with ppl being aroused when you throw cakes at them, or "muscle worship" or people being obsessed by "mommy" types.. You know why? Because cakes can't really hurt you. Being naturally muscular and fit just shows that you're in good health conditions. And men's obsession about "mommies" can be easily explained. Modern women are mostly mean, cold-hearted and selfish. I just call them "feminazis", and I'm already protecting men's rights here in America because there's too many crazed feminazis around. When I realized what's really going on around here I got shocked. A man sees a chubby.. mommy-looking lady.. yup, he likes her. Because she visually reminds him of his relative or mother, and he psychologically feels more comfortable around her, seeing her as a caring woman.

But hey, guys, be careful.. one thing is a chubby lady.. who is kind, loving and caring.. if she knows how to cook and does stuff. The other thing if she's obese, doesn't have any healthy activities, doesn't take care of herself.. even doesn't care about her clothes or hair. Stay away from those. They will f4ck up your life. My mother and my ex mother-in-law were these type of women. They were, and still are, very messed up on the head.

And yes, I have.. preferences.. of my own. I can easily explain them. Here, I'm honest.

1. "Kitchen fetish" - I might get interested in a man who knows how to cook and cooks well. I would get very.. interested in a specific way if my husband would cook. However my libido is under control and I'm not going to jump on a random chef in the restaurant. I won't even feel that type of interest towards a random man. However, it would be extremely hard for a man who doesn't cook well to get into my friend zone. I'm not interested in.. uncreative, uncaring, close-minded people, sorry.

2. Some type of a "tough guy".. If he's fit and gets really aggressive because of someone being an idiot - I'm interested. Gangsters, spies, assassins, hitmen, ex-prisoners, security officers and soldiers.. The only category I'm not interested in are cops or how we, Russians, call them "Garbagemen".. 'cos those are just government's slaves with no real power.

3. Healthily muscular. You can be just slightly slender or fit. But I don't like men who are obsessed about the amount of muscles. I don't like fat or skinny. Because the obese men are always lazy, they rarely go outside for a walk. And I enjoy walking. Skinny ones don't enjoy cooking and eating. So yup.. NOPE, a big one, for those.

4. Tall men. Taller than me on the heels. I'm 1.77 m in my buccaneers. If you're lower than that or equal then the max place where you can get is friend zone. And I'm a great friend, a very caring one. But I don't want my husband to be the same height as me because I don't want to feel dominant when I look or talk to him. And I don't want him to be lower than me, because I want to feel that he's a strong man, not a kiddo' who breathes on my tits or my neck all the f4cking time.

5. Bald motherf4ckers. Smoothly shaved ones too.. Gonna love those! Practical and simple. A type of a man like that won't occupy the bathroom for all kind of idiotic grooming.. You like to shave legs n stuff? Brilliant! I enjoy doing that too, because it's a healthy thing to do. Oh.. and rubbing my face on a scratchy cheek of my beloved one would be one of the most wonderful things in the world. I've tried that before. I got super excited about it.

6. Men in glasses. No, not just shades.. Glasses. They look smarter, especially if they picked a shape that suits them. Hooray for some of you, guys, you look great! And yes, that makes you look smart because you show that when you need to see better - you use glasses.

7. Men in suits or any fitting and stylish clothes. Boxers.. one of the best inventions. All kind of ties, scarves, sock suspenders.. I love it when men wear shirts. They're fresh and comfortable. Of course t-shirt is a more simple thing to wear, I love t-shirts too.. but I always have fun designs on those. Also, I'm against the famous-sports-attire brands. Those clothes look stupid, like you belong to the "soldier of a football team", no individuality, so it's a waste of money in my opinion. I better pay lovely hard-working Chinese people who make funny and creative designs, and express myself! Socks and sandals? Why don't you buy some good sneakers and wear lighter clothes if you're feeling too hot? I have super delicate feet. Yet I don't f4cking wear any sandals with socks.. Sneakers- sure. But they're mostly used as a part of my uniform for working. You know what I'll use later? Military boots. Deal with that, b1tch, heh heh..

8. Rockers or men who have a fine taste in music. Yes, just.. YES.

9. Beautiful hands. When a man has strong, clean hands with a slight manicure.. hm.. I'd love it if my boyfriend, if I ever get one, would have such hands. Would make me think of things and have a desire to be grabbed by whatever he decides to grab me. Heh. Can't resist the might of handsome man.

You think I've got high demands? Nope. I apply these rules to myself, actually. Because I try to be fair.

1. I cook amazingly, kitchen is my f4cking Aperture Science Enrichment Center!

2. I'm a tough b1tch. Mentally, physically.. I've been through too much sh1t in my life. A typical American woman would cry for help while being robbed in her house.. A typical Soviet b1tch like me would say "well, well, well.. finally!" Then I'd smile and add: "I've been waiting for you guys. I wanted to show you my machete, it's massive. And I know how to use it. But I'd love to practice some more.." Then one of the thieves would be harshly pushed off the stairs and break any bones, which are still attached to the rest of his limbs. However, the other one would get beaten up with a mop. Because you shouldn't get in a house of an 3V1L_FR13ND0, if she hasn't invited you.. That's just rude and impolite. What would your mother say?.. For shame.

3. I love to feel tough, to lift or drag heavy things.. I want to get more muscular, I do all kind of healthy physical activities. Walking, running, cardio, dancing.. I love all of that!

4. I'm tall. I love to be tall. But I'm not obsessive about it.

5. I hate long hairdos.. I have a very practical hairstyle. Very original and comfy too. I designed it, 'cos I'm an artist and I'm smart enough to do that.

6. I love fancy glasses. Thanks to my genetics, I have an amazing eyesight. However I use shades to take care of my pretty green-gray gems. I recently found out that the best shades for me are.. what we Russians call "welder's".. Sharp-shaped and modern, as if they were made for Lady Gaga. I never expected they would fit. I actually tried them on just to take a laugh. Aviator shades fit me very well too. And another shape that I have.. that's like a vintage lady-like.. I'm not sure how it's called. All the others make me look horrible. And yup, I'll get those "welder's" when I can, I deserve to feel like a work of art. Because I am one. ;)

7. Stylish clothes.. yes, yes and again yes. Women's boxers, fine lingerie, stockings, tall socks.. leggings.. dresses, skirts! I enjoy any artistic approach and all kind of accessories!

8. I can't live without the classics of rock.. nu-metal.. alternative rock, punk-rock.. I even enjoy listening to emo-punk. Mindless Self Indulgence is like a lullaby to me.. I relax and fall asleep, while the lead singer is shouting "Causin' problems makes you famous, all the violence makes a statement!"

Please think about this subject. And stay healthy, guys..

I have many acquaintances and barely any friends. I thought I had a lot of friends 'cos I'm very social and people like me. I had to learn it the hard way that friendship isn't about "nice socializing".. It's a good amount of dedication involving platonic love, which I always give but rarely get. I lived lying to myself.. And many people still do. Many can not even ask about being a friend, they behave and think as if it's a social cue.

"If that person is nice to me for a long time enough - he's a friend!"

So if you kiss her, that makes you her BF? And if you fuck her she's a partner? Even forcefully? How the heck can you make such statements if you have never asked that person and he never confessed to you? I think you don't understand the concepts of alliance and freedom.. You want to have any kind of unition, formal or not - you need to discuss it and come to a consensus. Either way, there will be all kind of conflicts and "misunderstandings"..

Where was I..?

Oh, here I am! So, one of my acq's have given me an explanation about one friend he has. He argumented it as "sexual freedom".. I went to read about it yesterday, and I realized that my acq doesn't have much knowledge. Sexual freedom is about self-identification and personal freedom. But, eh.. I'll try to explain gently. When a woman is getting in the bed with one man, then the other, the other one.. specifically during the short-time period, we, Russians, call such women "potaskúha".. ("dragged" literally, or a "free whore") This is even worse than a prostitute, 'cos the last one does it for money and at least thinks about taking care of herself and to look marketable. The 1st type is a person who wants a fun ride, because he's quite bored and lonely, his life isn't "spicy enough", but he doesn't do anything to give it more sense. I'm suspicious these people don't know or do not want to take care of the others. I've never heard or seen them taking care of someone for free or to talk about it. I'm also suspicious that these people don't get very attached to the others. "He dumped me, oh well.. I'll find another." And then one BF, the other.. the other.. Honey, why do you even want a BF? Do you need one? What for? Do you want to upgrade him to a fiancé and then to a husband? Do you want to have a family with that man? No? Then you're just immature. You're not ready for serious relationships. Romance is your way - have it. But don't complain after being dumped, because you preoritize the romantic and abandon the platonic. I refuse to hang out with such people, because I don't want to hear their complaints about their love life.

And I knew that when I look better I'll get some "friend invites" on FB & VK. Sure, pal. I don't believe you wanna be my friend 'cos you haven't even checked out my artwork. I'm not interested in offers such as "I travel around the world for fun and sex.." Dude. I am educated, smart, hard-working and pretty.. evil. Why would I ever WANT a random guy.. not mentioning NEEDING.. You're bored, get a life.. 'Cos all you do now is exist. With all your money for traveling, throwing it around and thinking you can fuck whoever you want. Don't fuck with me, or I will fuck you up. And I don't give a fuck about sex. Yeah, you modern ppl love to have sex and jump in the bed with GF/BF.. Sure, go ahead. Don't forget to grab your happiness and pride with it, if you still have any.

Me? Heh, no, and I'm not asexual. I'm bisexual since I was 13. However I'd love to have a husband so I could make love to him.

This is a topic I want to talk about tonight since you guys are gonna yell "Yay-Gay" for the entire month. (Ohh brother..)

What am I supposed to yell? Yay F20? Doesn't even rhyme, lol

No, you idiot, I'm not against gays. I'm bisexual and I grew up in a harsh homophobic environment. And I always wanted to have a male gay friend because I was traumatized by many men, including by my biological father. When possible, the first bar I'll go to hang out here in Buenos Aires is the one which is for LGTWTFBBQ.. I don't remember the letters, simplify it please. How the fuck do you even pronounce that?..

Anyway. I chose a couple of bars after reading the reviews n' stuff. Why there? Great music, events, DeeJays, fun and friendly people :)

What will I do there? Sit alone at the bar, and since I do not consume alcohol at all (because I don't need it like you, loser, haha!) I will have tea, juice and soft drinks. I know the music will be awesome and it will kick in like it always does. Music is my medicine and it really helps me to lower the tension and relax. Especially heavy stuff. I pour metal in my ears every day. Those bars I've picked aren't popular.. But the most famous and high-starred bar in Bs As is.. omg..? I don't know how the heck to call it. I really wish we could legalize prostitution again, because this is already out of control. They do orgies there and golden showers and anyone can easily get on the site.. WTF?! Guys, how do you explain this kind of stuff to municipality? "Oh we sell yellow collars to people if they want to be peed on while they are in our venue!" This is fucking antisanitary, man! And random people just getting in a specific room to fuck alltogether.. really? You guys are so fucking bored? You have jobs in white, documents, you have a place to live in, you can study wtf you want for FREE and you're bored?! As a Russian, I'd love to advise all of the orgy participants to play Russian Roulette for the thrills, but I shouldn't, heh. I never liked it. I saw that most of the ppl in Bs As, 90-95% are pokerfacing. Such a beautiful place.. filled with bored and unhappy-looking people. I'm the only idiot who's smiling a lot.. because my normal state is happy.

Anyways, after going to hang out in the "happy-bar", I'm the kind of an idiot who'd love to go to hang out with rockers, punks & metalheads. Oof, I really wanna see some tough guys. I hope the bars for rockers have cool-looking people..

About me.. oh well.. I'll see if I can get another tattoo this month. I need the ancient symbol of feminity, then I need a glyph of the family I belong to (the one that was given powers by the God of blood), I also need БМ-13 (it's a RUS weapon lovingly called "Katiusha"), and mirrored ZEF, as if it was tattoed from the inside. 'Cos being ZEF, for me, isn't about the outfit, it's about personality. I wish I could contribute to our subculture, but I don't know how, and I should ask permission of the others. I wonder if I'm the first Soviet ZEF. That would be extraordinary and very rare..

Oh. Um. Me in the rock bar. Y-yeah. Imagine this. You are in a bar with your friends, chillin', as the usual.. And a tall, quite fit, pale woman, all dressed in black gets in the bar. (Here we go..) She's wearing a black leather jacket with spikes on the shoulders, a black leotard (with "inverted star" on the chest) on top of her thin black leggings. She walks as if she is marching to the war, starting from the left leg in her brutal leather boots. Her hands with short silverish manicure are "dressed" in fingerless bikers gloves. She also has a black bag across her chest and there's something popping out of it. Looking a bit closer you realise it's a.. metal handle.. of a cheap metal frying pan.. wtf?! Yes, "WTF" is exactly what you are supposed to think. It's an adequate reaction of a normal person. And if you don't care about a weirdo hanging around.. you better not start a fight, because if Her sweet talks won't work - then bitter work it is.

That.. weird lady would be drinking tea and coke the whole night while sitting at the bar. Idiotic, right? If you approach her to say "Hi", you'll see she's wearing reflecting type of shades. She'll softly say "Hey.." and while she slightly smiles your way you will notice her quite impressive.. fangs. If you're not tense enough she'll take out an Ace out of her sleeve. Her shades. You'll see her white eyes without pupils, and as if they are staring right into your soul. Hm? That didn't work too? She'll mention she's a Soviet Russian, that her Soviet brothers and sisters used to beat the shit out of nazis. No? Not afraid yet? WHAT?! You're insane enough to ask her to bite you on the neck?! She probably won't do it, since you're not her BF. And if she would be interested.. she'd just mention that her teeth are itching again and that you have a very handsome neck.

"I'm proud I can feel the sweet flavor! And I'm proud I can taste the salty one! Me! I'm proud I can't feel any!" You know, I can feel both sweet and salty but I don't yell about it everywhere and wave a flag of the kitchen. Are you people getting out of your minds? Cmon, just be proud to be yourself, mate.. That you live in a country you dedicate yourself to. Or you belong to a culture, to which, again, you dedicate yourself. Pride is nothing if you don't carry any love and dedication.

Why do I even need to mention this?

I'll tell ya what I'm proud of. Living, being a woman, having 2 calls in my life - one is an artist and the other one you don't deserve to know.

That I survived somehow on a street, thankfully, I wasn't stuck for long. That I was born in USSR and I belong to the "protector" type, who will do anything to protect himself and the ones he decides, but on his own territory.

I am Russian and I'm proud of that, my culture is grand and majestic and I teach it to the others. Russians were always the type of "Wise Cinderellas", however many of us have abandoned our culture. Many have turned into agressive cowards.

Your rainbows & unicorns flag looks like a red one to me. I prefer to stay away from any kind of fanatics..

The title is a name of a song of the band Portugal. The Man. I want to go straight to my favorite part in the lyrics.

"Just because I lost it, doesn't mean I want it back.."

I didn't feel like that before. But it happened. Recently.

I realized I went outside and I've lost almost all of them..

All of my fears. All of my complexes and I've lost my shame.

Do I want it back? Nope. So if you ever find that stuff somewhere on the street, just let it be.

Don't pick it up. You don't need it. It will only make your life worse.

Trust me, I know. Because after I've lost all of that I felt happy and finally free.

Freedom isn't really about the amount of money. Or education..

It's about You. Doing wtf you consider correct. And no one in the world can stop you.

I'm living in a very extreme way rn. My friends and me are searching for a place for me to stay. When I finally end up living somewhere by myself I'll drop 4 stories in my Journal here, since my journal is more like a Diary already. Those 4 stories will be about 4 people. My ex mother-in-law, ex father-in-law, my ex and a guy who brainwashed me some moths ago.

What for?

1. Well, some people ask me, and I'm fed up to tell those stories behind everyone's backs. As if I'm gossiping. I don't like gossips. So I just want to dump info over here. If you're interested in my shitty life experience, what to do and what not.. Read it. You'll be more prepared for all kind of life situations.

2. Self-expression. I need to express myself. To the other people. It doesn't work if I just talk to myself. So I need to speak up. And no, I don't care about psychologists or psychiatrists, they can go suck a dick. They never cared about me as a person or my feelings. All of them just want money. They never taught me how to think. They just said to do stuff, that's all. "OBEY" kinda' thing..

3. Make those ppl who have hurt me very badly think about what they have done. If they want to change their shitty attitudes - good, I forgive ppl very easily. If they don't want to work it out and be better - I want my friends and future friends to know who those guys really are, and to be careful with such people irl. Because they don't know what is love and respect.

I'm an 3V1L_FR13ND. I try to be a friend, a very good friend for everyone. But if you hurt me and fuck up my life I'll show you what evil is. I know how it sounds, but I don't do it as a revenge. I just take care of myself and take care of the other nice people. You brought it onto yourself, you're the one who messed up with the wrong guy. Because you're the one in the end who lost Me, My care, My love and My attention. You didn't give me anything at all. I was the one who did the stuff for you. And I could have given you so much.. and even more. But you decided to be a filthy dick. I have this wonderful canister, has plenty of gas.

I already started to burn the bridges.

And holy shit I love the fires I've already started. I wonder if I'll get burned or not. But I can take it anyway. The question is if those ppl can take it, heh.

4. Freedom. I want to feel the freedom of speech. Even if I have to deal with whatever consequences for that. Shame? Sorry, I have none. I warned you before. And I'm not sure you guys understand how it feels like, how it's like to live without shame or fear. Can you get undressed right now and go outside? I can. I won't feel anything. Anything at all. I don't even have a good body shape.

So I don't really care what ppl would say about me. If it's smth bad, and they like to throw their shit at me - it's their shit, not mine. I love myself, I accept myself, but I also try to be a better person every day. However ppl who have hurt me really badly in life.. yup, they depend on the other ppls opinions. They don't know what is freedom. Or love.

Even when it's about themselves.

When I do something, or say something.. I have several reasons. Not just one. I don't remember if I ever had just one reason to do whatever. I always have plenty.

Well, if you managed to survive this far, through the text.. I have a Discord server.

Initially it was a created for me to contact my friends and fans. I was very selfish, yup.

So I changed the idea of a server to B3114 M4F14 (Bella Mafia), it's like a family thing..

Where we discuss whatever you guys find important, we learn about everything, we share art, life stories. I have some ppl over there, even extremely old friends. I'd love to have more ppl over there, who are actually interested to discuss intellectual things.

Interested? Send me a personal message or just a message in the D.A. chat :)

Have a fun and productive day you all! I know I will, I still have enough gasoline in the canister <3